As within so without, as without so within

And so the wise men say.

I've been trying to organize my life lately: my schedules, my finances, my stuff, my files, my clothes, my blogs and even my online accounts. I've also re-connected with friends and I even respond to email now.

I'm beginning to see how messy everything has been. Since I got pregnant and gave birth to Jamaine, I focused profusely on everything about her. I guess I was worried, unneccessarily, that something might go wrong the moment I shift my focus.

A lot of things cluttered my mind and it resulted to as much clutter all around me. It's not a very happy sight, you see.

So now, I'm taking it one step at a time. No pressure. Just little organizing accomplishments one after the other.

Burning letters

I've recently thrown out all the letters and miscellaneous notes, I've accumulated since my gradeschool years. I consider it my biggest accomplishment yet.

The sentimental side of me vehemently refused at first. Perhaps, that's why I've kept it all these years. There were love letters, letters from friends, farewell notes during graduation, retreat letters, and love poems. A bulk of it were letters from my bestfriend Tin, most of which were on those cute stationeries commonly collected by little girls.

But I realized many of those letters have already done their purpose. They've made me laugh, cry, fume and swoon at one time or the other. But they are all part of the past and should be kept there.

It's time to let go.

Though I can't remember all of them, I do remember that I've been loved and treasured by some of the most wonderful people in this world. And that's something that I would keep for a lifetime.

Besides, seeing the empty space where the box of letters used to be brought a sense of relief over me. As if something was lifted off my shoulders.

I guess in a way, it cleared some clutter off my mind as well.

Charting my direction

Did you ever experience just waking up and aimlessly going about your day?

I did. A lot of times actually.

Before, I had a tendency to live my life on autopilot especially when things got routinary and comfortable. Besides I was only living for me.

It continues to amaze me how one tiny baby can change my life in such a huge way.

Now, I have someone who depends on me to raise her and take care of her. And if I want to do that right, I know I've got to have a plan.

I can no longer live just day to day. I have to live my life with purpose and set some goals.

It sounds hard actually, especially when you're used to just letting things happen and going with the flow.

But having goals helps me determine where I want to be, where I want us to be. And when you know your destination, it makes charting your direction a whole lot easier.

Have you set any goals lately?

Comments

rach said…
I think we have the same attitude towards things... I am a sentimental too... I find it hard to let go of things that reminded me of the good times.

Goals? We'll my initial goal to get married next month is on hold... basta lng... not that we are not sure about ourselves.. but I guess... we just need some time.

mmm... my goal (always been) is to really get back to writing... I am now trying to do something about it... I guess this month something will happen (sana).

I guess I need to sort out our finances also... like we have to see how we can make the most of our salaries here and eventually go back there and live happily ever after (mejo long term itong goal na ito... sana mangyari)...

Humahaba ang listahan ko... I think I need to post this na! :P

I'm glad you're enjoying motherhood... and the works... kiss mo naman ako kay baby :)
atomicgirl said…
i can't believe you were able to burn all those letters! i do have tons of letters and other stuff here with me but i just can't seem to let go... honestly. it just feels like one day i'm going to need them but i just don't know for what purpose.

anyhow, i'm so glad you were able to do such. i'll probably find my courage and my strength some time later on in this life. hehe.
febeth said…
Cleaning up and maintaining a clutter free environment needs discipline. However it is easier to go about your day to day life when you keep things clean and in order.
Mai said…
it also took me a long while before I could "let go" of all those letters collected way back elementary years...lalo na yung mga recollection letters natin nung 6th grade (Paulinian writing pa talaga). Grabe! Pero yung mga grad pics natin, nasa akin pa. I dunno why pero di ko talaga sila mai-let go.

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