It started with a simple request that ended with a sarcastic remark and a slamming door. Minutes later, he makes four attempts to call but she left them unanswered. Finally, he sends a message, "Sorry, I got mad. I love you so much." Soon, he returns. They hug, kiss and make up. And just like that, it was all over.

Can having a fight really be that simple?

When couples fight, it's so easy to let a little misunderstanding to snowball into gigantic proportions. They get carried away with the wave of anger and intense emotion.

In the heat of the moment, hurtful words are thrown, grudges resurface, maybe even curses are exchanged.

Before they know it, they've hurt each other so deeply that it becomes hard to remember if they ever loved each other. The relationship hits the rocks, the damage almost irrepairable.

For those in steady relationships, it may be hard to call it quits and just break up. But between a husband and wife, it's even harder especially when you've got kids.

So how do you keep from being doomed to a relationship or marriage of misery?

Having been together for five years, Kernan and I have had our share of fights. But none of them ever escalated into a verbal abuse match because of three important things we've learned through the years:

Respect. It wasn't easy at first, but we've learned to respect each other's differences and how we each deal with conflict: one needs space while the other needs silence. We've accepted the fact that there will be times when we'll have differing points of view and that's ok.

Humility. We've learned long ago that matching each other word for word only leads to more misunderstanding. When one of us is high on anger, the other remains low. Pride can certainly make it tempting to shout back, that's for sure. But you'll find that when you stop and listen, you'll understand where the other is coming from. Humility also means admitting you're wrong and saying "I'm sorry."

Love. And with love comes unconditional forgiveness. No counting of offenses or relegating sins into the back burner, ready to be brought up during another argument. Forgiveness means closing the door behind you and looking forward to start anew.

I've always believed that it doesn't matter who was wrong or who was right. Love doesn't keep a tally board of wins and losses.

What matters is emerging from the fight, not bruised or battered, but better and stronger.


ria said…
i think i need to print your entry out and keep it somewhere handy. im guilty about a lot of things when it comes to arguments. hay. there really is a lot more i need to learn. i'm lucky my SO hasn't given up on me after all these years. :)

thanks for this Jayme! words of wisdom indeed.

email me your mailing address. i hope to send out the letters next week. :)
sexy mom said…
you know what i learned over the years, aside from what you pointed out?

there is supposed to be always someone in the relationship who has to be the stronger person. there i supposed to be always someone who has to give in and forgive first.

because of no one does it, it will be a dead end. before knowing it, the couples will be drifting away.
Mitch said…
"What matters is emerging from the fight, not bruised or battered, but better and stronger." >>> Very well said...
Angel Jayme said…
Ria: Ako rin, stubborn ako before. Pero I guess when you really love each other, matututo at matututo ka kung pano magpasensya at magpaubaya. He must really love you so much.

Will email you my addy later.

Sexy Mom: So right. At first, when we were just bf and gf, he was the one who always gave in. Medyo immature pa kasi ako noon. Now that I've matured when it comes to relationships, I'm the one who's like that.

Mitch: Thanks. Fresh pa kasi nung sinulat ko ito.


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