I cried at the pediatrician’s clinic

It may sound weird but I never thought a baby’s immunization can be so traumatizing. At least for me.

Jamaine had her first check-up last Monday.

The pediatrician’s secretary texted me to confirm if we were coming since Jamaine was scheduled for a check-up and a BCG.

I knew about the check-up but I didn’t know she was supposed to be given BCG too. A wave of fear washed over me as I imagined the needle being injected on my baby’s delicate skin.

She would cry for sure.

And I dreaded seeing her cry.

Since we got home, Jamaine has never been a crybaby. She only lets out a little whimper when she’s hungry or uncomfortable. I think she cried once and only for a few seconds when I wasn’t able to give her milk right away because I was too sleepy. But she never howls or wails inconsolably. A lot have been commenting that she’s such a good-tempered baby (like her mommy).

And so I psyched myself for what was to happen. I thought that perhaps if I talk to her while the pedia gives her the shot, she would be so distracted, she’ll just feel a little pinch.

Don’t they always say it just feels like an ant’s bite? But what if, for Jamaine, it’s more like a GIANT ant’s bite?

I shared my apprehension with Kernie but he wasn’t one to give me false hopes, “Iiyak talaga siya. Ganun talaga.”

As we went inside the clinic, I tried to act brave. I read that babies can sense their parent’s feelings. So I thought that if I acted brave, maybe Jamaine would feel brave too.

The pediatrician placed Jamaine on the weighing scale and took her measurements. She happily reported that Jamaine had gained a pound and grown a centimeter. Good stats after just two weeks.

But I didn't feel like celebrating just yet.

I told her I was nervous that the BCG might hurt Jamaine and make her sick. She said it will certainly hurt but it won’t give her a fever. If it was any consolation, she added that the shot would be administered on Jamaine’s butt cheek and not on her arm so that if a scar develops, it won’t be so visible.

The pedia placed Jamaine face down on the bed while Kernan supported Jamaine’s head with one hand and held the milk bottle in the other.

She sucked her milk contentedly unaware of what was about to happen.

I walked away from the bed feeling like I was betraying my daughter.

And then it happened.

Jamaine wailed in pain.

It was such a heartbreaking cry that I rushed back to the bed with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I looked at Kernan who was teary eyed too.

I stroked her head and tried to console her.

“It’s alright Jamaine, mommy’s here. I love you.”

But she wouldn’t stop crying.

It only took less than a minute for the pedia to patch up the injection site but it felt like forever.

I picked up Jamaine and cradled her in my arms saying “I love you” over and over.

And then she stopped crying.

She started sucking her bottle peacefully as if nothing had happened.

The pedia said we’re scheduled for another check-up and a Hepa shot next week. You can bet I won’t be counting the days til then.

I know that the momentary pain and a couple of tears are a small price to pay to be spared from the vicious diseases these shots are fighting against.

But I’m just wondering, isn’t there a more “humane” way of administering these shots?

It might seem odd to feel like this, but for me, It’s so traumatizing. I still can’t forget how hard Jamaine cried at that moment.

If I could take the shots for Jamaine, I would.

If I could take all the pain she would ever experience in her life, I won’t think twice.

But I guess you can only do so much to protect your kids.

All you can really do is love them unconditionally and hope that it would be enough to make all their pain fade away.


ria said…
poor baby! but i loved what you said about how you wanted to take all the pain from her. twas just too beautiful =)
Angel Jayme said…
Hi Ria! Feeling ko nga ako yung naging crybaby. It'a amazing what motherhood can do to you. You'll discover that you're capable of so much love you never thought possible.

ria said…
okay lang yun, i'm a crybaby too and i could only imagine what you went through. happy weekend! =)
sexy mom said…
but you have to be tough, dear. moms are created to be tough--we are the pillars, our kids draw their strength from us. what happens, do you think, when your kid reaches the time when she already understands--when she will feel pained at an early age, seeing you hurt or in pain. though mom-daughter bond is really thee.

there will be more immunizations, there will be more sleepless nights (like when baby has "kabag")...so, keep being strong!

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