“Pre-partum depression”

I don’t know if there is such a thing. But I woke up this morning feeling so down and heavy.

No, it wasn’t the physically heavy kind brought about by my humongous belly.

It was a feeling that just took hold of me the moment I opened my eyes. Not even the funny faces my Kernie makes whenever he wakes up could make me smile. Even his hugs, kisses and “I love yous” couldn’t make me feel better.

All throughout the day, I just felt so grumpy and my patience was running thin. I was like a dragon who woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I had to muster so much energy not to throw fire on every person that came my way.

Kernie would ask me what was wrong or if he did anything to upset me. He was bothered because I wasn’t my usual perky self.

But I couldn’t say a word to explain it. I couldn’t pinpoint the reason myself.

But now I think I know.

I guess I am just disappointed that I still haven’t seen any signs of labor. Every now and then I would touch my belly hoping to feel something that would signal I’m ready for delivery. I would rehearse the moment in my mind when I would be wheeled into the labor room and, after one big push, see Jamaine finally come out with a loud cry.

I know it may not exactly happen like that but I guess I just want to get it over with so I can quit being anxious about it.

I’m usually optimistic about everything. No matter how bad things get, you can count on me to always look for the bright side.

But now, I feel like I’ve suddenly morphed into a pessimist.

I know I should not dwell on this. The last thing I want is to give birth to a sad and anxious baby. I want Jamaine to be a healthy and happy baby girl.

I know I should feel blessed.

I have a loving and understanding husband who takes care of me and works so hard everyday to ensure the future of our family.

I have two sets of families who support me and help me to live every day comfortably.

I have friends who pray for me and wish me well.

I have a job that has flexible hours and a forgiving work load that allows me to work well into my ninth month.

I have considerate bosses and co-workers who look after me in the office and help me to do my job a whole lot easier.

Most of all, I have this precious opportunity to be a mother to a beautiful baby girl.

God has blessed me in so many ways and I have a lot of reasons to be grateful.

And each moment takes me closer to the realization of this wonderful blessing.

I know tomorrow will be a beautiful day.


atomicgirl said…
i'm not sure i can relate to what you're feeling... but then again, maybe it's the hormones or something.
Angel Jayme said…
Yeah, must be the hormones. Because today i woke up perky and happy again. I guess I just had to let it out.

sexy mom said…
yes, tomorrow will be another beautiful day, and the tomorrow after that..and the next...until baby Jamaine sees the light of day, one of the most beautiful moments in a mom's life...it will be soon...it will be soon! God bless you and your ever patient hubby!
Angel Jayme said…
Thanks Sexy Mom! I'm just trying to live and enjoy one day at a time with Jamaine still inside me. Indeed, I am so thankful God has blessed me with such a loving and patient hubby. He has made my pregnancy a whole lot easier and the difficulties more bearable. Yay for Heavensent Hubbies!

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