One month ago

As two violet lines slowly appeared on the white piece of plastic, a wave of anticipation washed over me.

Positive.

I'm going to have a baby.

And then it hit me. Fear rapidly replaced my excitement as I thought about my impending journey into motherhood.

Am I ready?

For a couple of days, I was in denial. Teetering between excitement and anxiety, conflicting thoughts shot through my head.

Finally, I'll have my own beautiful baby! I wonder how Kernan and I would look combined?

Is this true? Am I mature enough to raise a child and build a family? I'm so used to other people taking care of me!

In the mornings that followed, I would often look at my 26 inch waistline and flat belly and think, how can I possibly be carrying a baby?

I decided to ease all my doubts and fears and settle the matter once and for all.

***

Kernan and I held hands as we walked inside the Medical Arts Building. There were kids and pregnant women everywhere. In a few months time, that would be me.

We sat in the waiting area holding hands. It just felt reassuring for me knowing that I had someone to hold on to for strength.

Minutes later, the doctor's assistant came out and handed me an information sheet.

Age: 24. Status: Single. I thought about writing "in a relationship" but I guess that's just valid for Friendster.

Funny how I always thought my life would be typical and I'd follow the "straight path:" save up - get married - save up - have baby. I always thought my life would go according to plan.

But life doesn't always go according to plan. And I guess no matter how hard you try, you can never really be prepared for everything. Surprises spring up every now and then. Whether it's a "good" or "bad" surprise depends on how you take it.

And when life throws you curve balls out of the blue, you can't just stand there and let it hit you in the face. Either you catch it or you hit it back.

So this is me, catching the ball.

I may not be prepared and I may not know everything I need to be a perfect mom. But our baby is a wonderful surprise, a blessing whom I am receiving with open arms. And I am going to do the best I can to be the most loving mom in the world.

The doctor's assistant broke my reverie as she ushered us inside room. This is it.

The OB said I was about one to two months on the way, but I needed to get an ultrasound to be sure and some blood tests too.

I lay down on the cold bed staring at the blank computer screen. In a few minutes, I am finally meeting my baby.

Slowly, the OB probed through me looking for that tiny speck of life. And then, I saw him / her. My baby looked like a tiny bean.

I've seen countless ultrasound pictures, even the "In the Womb" documentary of National Geographic. But nothing could compare to the amazement, excitement and bliss I am feeling just looking at this little bean on a black and white computer screen. My baby. Our baby.

Age: 6 weeks and 6 days old. Birthdate:April 15, 2007

It almost seemed like my baby was waving at me, "Hi Mommy, I'll see you next year. I love you."


Hi my baby. Daddy and I can't wait to see you, We love you so much.

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