Time for change

Finally visited my blog after the longest time, and now I feel it's somewhat ancient. I reread my older entries, and I realized how much has changed and how many things have happened since then.

June has become somewhat a turning point for me. Kind of like a New Year in the middle of 2006.

June 10 was when Kernan and I marked our fourth anniversary. Yes it's almost a month and we haven't celebrated yet. But I feel no frustration. I am happy just knowing we've made it through a very tough year. Everyday is a celebration for us. And we love each other more.

June 10 was also when Lovely Day celebrated its second anniversary. Every day leading up to and after the anniversary was a blur. I had little time to eat and sleep. One day crossed over to the next and I was always disoriented as to what day it was. For the first time since I entered this show, I felt so stressed and haggard.

My weight dropped and some people even thought I was OD-ing the herbal pills I was taking. In reality, I had stopped taking the pills and it was the stress that was making me drop the pounds so fast. Now people tell me, they liked me more when I had my cheeky look, when just a few months ago, they were telling me I looked fat.

I was tired and aimless. I became so uptight and tense as if I was walking on egg shells all the time. I would brood over the most trivial things. I would create my own heartaches and problems. It was as if I was directing and acting in my own real-life soap opera!

And then, I just stopped.

This must be what Oprah means by an AHA! moment.

I just realized, this is now way to live my life. This is the only one I have now and there's no way I'm gonna waste it.

It's time for me to change.

I'm trying something new now. Call it significant life changes, a return to love....I can't exactly define what it is.

All I know is that things are starting to go right. And I feel so much more peaceful and happy. My life is far from perfect but I have accepted it for what it is. The people I deal with are still nowhere close to becoming angels and saints, but I have accepted them for who they are. I know someday, when the time is right, they'll reach that turning point too.

For now, I leave you something worthy of some thought:

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." -- Dr. Wayne Dyer


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