Our conversation made me remember something I thought I forgot
It was a mini reunion of sorts.
We've hardly talked with each other for the past months, to think that we work in the same station and department. Late night talks like these are much needed breathers from the loads of stress we get from working in this industry.
Though I have friends at work, I can say that A is one of the few friends with whom I can blab on and on about things I can never talk about with people from the office.
Like this odd thing I have for ________.
Or the never ending craziness for ________.
You know that feeling when you just want to talk about it and let it all out. And when that's over, you can just forget about the whole thing.
That is, until the next time that feeling hits.
Hearing A talk about the same person we've talked about for almost 6 years makes me think how much we've changed over the years.
Here we are with jobs we've always wanted, though not quite what we ultimately dreamed of ( I want to be Oprah and A wants to be a filmmaker.) We have more than enough bucks to burn mid week before payday. We've acquired a certain fashion sense and Extenso-ed our hair. We've grown older.
This is what we see outside.
But inside, it seems the same. After all these years, that heartbreaking craziness is still there.
"How can I get over this?"
A asked me the same question she has asked me for six years.
Once again, I found myself quoting Greg Behrendt.
"Sorry girl, he's just not into you."
I know I've been there. And talking about this now makes me remember.
The intense emotions. The heart aches. The tears. The "if only's" and "what if's."
I cried then.
Now, I remember but I no longer feel them.
I can only laugh now at how stupid it all was.
Sometimes I think of how we have not reached a certain closure -- something that i feel would end it all for good.
But there is no chance for that now. And I am not going to find it for us.
I have moved on.
So can you.
And no matter what I say or do, no one can move on for you.
Days later, I received a message from A saying this guy showed up with another girl in tow.
I wasn't surprised.
"If a guy is so into you, he will never hook up with another girl. Never. If he was crazy in love with you, you should have been together by now. NO EXCUSES. You deserve someone better, I mean it. Huwag mong sayangin ang sarili mo."
She texted back, "How did you do it?"
"At a certain point, it became a matter of pride like, 'why the hell can't I make this guy fall in love with me?' But later on, i just stopped and realized it was his loss not mine. Why would i waste my time and break my heart over somebody who doesn't even give a sh!t about me? T*ng* siya kung pakakawalan niya ako. Masyado akong maganda para sa kanya."
Call it bitchy.
But in situations like these, a big helping of self love won't hurt at all.