I know now, I've got to trust my instinct

I felt something was wrong, I just didn't want to recognize it. I refuse to think of bad things lest it materializes. But bad things happen anyway, and sometimes there's no way you could prepare for them.

Since Kernan went out of town for their shoot, we have always kept in touch at least once a day through phone calls and a lot of times through SMS. But since we were both busy that day, I did not text him the whole day and only realized it in the evening before my editing sked. I started trying to call him at around 7 pm but his phone was out of reach. I assumed he was just busy shooting somewhere where there was no signal. But I kept trying to call him several times every hour after that.

Until about 12 midnight his phone was still out of coverage so I started to worry. I asked Rose to call somebody with them who may probably have a signal, to no avail. I sent him messages telling to him to call me once he gets a signal, but no message still.

Finally, somebody said the thing I feared the most: "They had an accident."

I froze. He didn't know exactly who "they" were, but i alread had a sinking feeling that my kernie was probably among them. Sudden flashes of different accidents came to mind but I frantically brushed them off, thinking the guy said he wasn't sure who had an accident, so it's possible that my kernie wasn't part of the "they" he was talking about, right?

He shouldn't be.

i tried to catch a nap before my editing sked, but i couldn't sleep. there was still no news of my kernie and i was starting to feel worried sick.

When my editor finally texted me saying it was my turn, I forced myself to brush all things aside and focus. "You shouldn't think about accidents," i told myself, "He's probably sleeping by now safe and sound." Funny how it was so hard to convince myself but I had to, if only to keep me sane.

I finished editing at 4am and waited for the sun to come up before I decided to head for home. I made one last try to call Kernie at 6am. The first ring made me heave a sigh of relief.

Me: Hello, kumusta ka na? Asan ka?
Him: Nasa airport.
Me: Natanggap mo ba messages ko?
Him: Hindi pa.
Me: Bakit hindi mo ko tinatawagan?
Him: Bawal gumamit ng phone sa airport.
Me: Hindi ah. Sa loob lang ng eroplano.
Him: Mamaya na lang. Tatawagan kita.

Click.

I was stunned for a moment. My kernie seemed dazed as if he was not himself. He didn't sound like himself. I figured he was probably still sleepy or tired and wasn't in a mood to talk. But after a whole day of not talking, how could he possibly talk to me like that? It's as if he didn't appreciate that I called.

Then again, this wasn't a time for petty complaints. Besides I was tired too. So I just waited for his call.

As soon as I got home, tears started welling in my eyes. For some reason, everything I saw reminded me of him. Every photograph of us that came into sight made me cry.

I laid down on the bed, hugged the pillows and cried. I tried to stop so I could send Kernie an MMS. But I couldn't. So I sent him an MMS of me crying.

"Mahal naiiyak ako kasi namimiss kita. Uwi ka na agad bukas. Ingat ka, I love you."

He called me.

Him: O bakit ka umiiyak?
Me: Hindi ko alam...kasi namimiss na kita. Umuwi ka na.
Him: Basta bukas, uuwi na ako. Huwag ka na umiyak.
Me: O tawagan mo ko pag nasa airport ka na uli ha.
Him: I love you.
Me: I love you.

I don't know why but I still couldn't stop crying.

I cried for two whole hours until I finally fell asleep.

When I woke up, eyes aching from crying so much, i felt a sudden calm come over me and got ready to go to work.

Everything went as usual. I attended our mastering sked at the 4th floor and waited for my segment's turn. I fell asleep on the couch right next to Rose. After a couple of hours, Rose and I both woke up.

I was totally caught off guard by the first line she said. "Nabalitaan mo na ba, naaksidente sina Kernan?"

"Ha? Paano? Saan?"

"Hindi niya ba sinabi sayo? nahulog daw sa bangin yung sasakyan nila."

"Kausap ko siya kanina. Bakit hindi niya sinabi sakin?"

I started crying again. And i couldn't stop.

I imagined all sorts of things happening to him. What happens when your vehicle falls off a cliff. Was he just pretending to be at the airport? Did he break his legs? Did he have a head injury? Maybe that's why he seemed dazed when I was talking to him earlier. Maybe he was in extreme pain.

I immediately dialed his number and he answered at the first ring.

Me: Hello..
HIm: Mamaya na mahal...
Me: Tawagan mo ko ha...

I trembled. Why didn't he tell me what happened? Maybe that was why I was crying the whole morning. I felt something was wrong and I was right.

Him: hello...
Me: Naaksidente ka raw?
Him: Oo
Me: Paano?
Him: Nagdire-diretso pababa yung sinasakyan namin tapos sumadsad tumama sa bato...
Me: Bakit di mo sinabi sakin?
Him: eh kasi umiiyak ka na kanina, baka mag-alala ka pa.
Me: May sugat ka ba? Ano masakit sayo?
Him: Wala naman. Dinala kami lahat sa ospital, pina-exray wala naman. Masakit lang yung balikat ko.
Me: Basta tawagan mo ko bago ka umuwi. Tsaka kapag andito ka na sa Maynila.
Him: Okay. I love you.
Me: Promise?
Him: Promise
Me: I love you.

The next day, Kernie sent me an MMS showing him posing on the beach with an armalite in tow. "Mahal, dont wori about me, I'm very okay. I love you."

I smiled. Seems like there are no broken bones alright. My Kernie's doing just fine.

SMS traffic was high the whole day. We constantly kept in touch until he finally landed in Manila.

I ran all the way to the lobby when he finally texted me that he has arrived. I hugged him tight as if I would never let him out of my sight ever again. Long separations are always hard for us but when we are finally back in each others arms, it is always a moment of pure bliss.

Me: I missed you...so much...
Him: I love you

My Kernie was safe home.

And I thanked God over and over for bringing him back to me without a scratch. Just a shoulder pain a million hugs and kisses could cure.

I know there will come a time when we'll have to separate again for long a time and go through agonizing days and nights waiting to see each other again.

But I also know that no matter what, we'll always be back in each others arms.

Always.

Comments

NV said…
Iba talaga ang instinct ng babae. And more so that you already have a connection beyond the physical. That's why you felt something was wrong.I'd probably freak out if a similar thing happens to my baby summer sheesh baka mapalipad ako ng pinas ng di oras pag nangyari yun wag naman sana :( Anyway I'm glad your kernie's well and back in your arms. Stay glued to each other my friend. Here's to you, and to life!
angel jayme said…
Hi NV!

You're right, I know I should listen to my instincts more. I guess I was so scared to acknowledge the possibility of losing my kernie.

I know it must be harder for you two kasi super magkalayo kayo. I could only imagine how much agony it must have caused you when summer was hospitalized. Sana magkasama na rin kayo. :)
NV said…
Nako sinabi mo pa, kaka-depress nga eh.Buti pa ibang tao nakabisita ako hindi huhu :( Yaan mo makakauwi din ako and when that happens hindi ko na iiwan yang babaeng yan;)

Stay happy jayme and here's to you and your soulmate. Cheers!

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