He's just not that into you


I haven't read the book yet, but I watched Oprah's episode on it. And I must say I was hooked until the program's closing credits.

At first, I thought I wouldn't be able to relate to it and it's just another one of those dating books. But I found myself nodding through their discussions and saying, "right!" "of course!" "that absolutely makes sense!" I'm thinking why didn't they write this book years ago! it would have saved a whole damn lot of women from heartbreakers.

The author Greg Behrendt said it all started with a line he wrote for one of the guys in an episode of Sex and the City. The girls were discussing why this certain guy Miranda dated didn't call her yet. Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte were conjuring up all these reasons why this guy couldn't possibly have called yet. And when they asked this guy what his opinion on the situation was, he simply said, "he's just not that into you."

And Behrendt said, if girls just learn to grasp the meaning of these six words, they could save themselves from a lot of unnecessary turmoil and false expectations.

The bottom line is if the guy you like or love doesn't step up to the plate and doesn't do as he says, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

At least this Behrendt would be credible, because he's a straight married guy and he's speaking from his own experience.

I mean it's so true.

If a guy really is into you, he'll do anything to be with you. He'll make you his priority. He won't say "Oh sorry, I'm busy," "I don't want to ruin our friendship by going any further," "I love you, but i just can't do this right now." All that stuff are just excuses that sound so nice but are actually clear indications that he's blowing you off. In other words, he's rejecting you.

I mean if you're passionate about something or somebody, you can never be too busy. You'll find time, even make time to do it or be with that person. But when you're not, you can find a lot of excuses not to.

Looking back, I realized that waiting and relying on false hopes is just so pathetic. When we were younger, it seemed normal to be brooding about certain guys we loved but didn't love us back. (Oh the sad story of unrequited love!) We would spend a lot of time thinking and thinking and thinking. We girls tend to think a whole damn lot.

We ponder over every word, action and expression. We try to decipher the hidden code, dig deeper for buried meanings and revel in fantasies of what he was trying to say. We make up a hundred justifications why he doesn't do this or that.

But the truth is we're just making up excuses for them. With guys, there are no mixed messages. He's just not that into you.

It's so pathetic to wait and hope, wait and hope. It's like keeping yourself at a standstill and unavailable! You keep hanging on to this one person that you can't move on. It's like you have blinders, you're so focused on this guy you can't have all the while ignoring all the other great people out there who may turn out to be far better than he could ever be.

I know it hurts really bad to love or like someone who doesn't feel the same way. Before (when I was still so naive about things and people) I used to spend a lot of time just nourishing this feeling. I would feel so bad about myself and think what's wrong with me. Am i not beautiful enough? Am i not smart enough? Am i not good enough for you?

But it's so wrong. Oh, and did I say pathetic?

Obviously this person just doesn't see how beautiful you are. Oprah was right on the target, "Don't waste the pretty."

I think every woman is beautiful, and if one man doesn't see that, then that's too bad. FOR HIM. Fine you can't help but feel hurt but just move on. Just think, you're wasting so much of your time and wallowing in agony over this guy who doesn't even think or care about you. You deserve somebody better. And there is definitely somebody better.

You deserve to be happy.

It's time to raise the bar and set a standard, a high standard for yourself. If this guy doesn't measure up, then he just doesn't deserve you.

Set yourself free.

It's really liberating to finally realize that your worth and beauty doesn't depend on anybody or anything other than your perception of yourself.

Behrendt shared another tip: don't take a guy who has already rejected you.

Start respecting yourself and loving yourself. Then others will likewise respect and love you.

***

The USA Today website has an excerpt from the book. It features real life situations from real women. I'm sure you can relate to at least one of them.

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