sleepless in the cubicle

it's raining outside.

the thought of cuddling my dantayan and burying myself under the sheets gives me sheer delight.

i would wake up at 1 pm and feast on my mom's hot champorado. later, i would have the special fish dish of the day and my dad's mango shake which has become a staple treat during weekends at home.

after a stressful week, that would be heaven.

but, i've been here at the office since last night, enclosed by the four blue walls of our cubicle, eating fita biscuits, chippy, water and flat tops.

i am waiting for the clock to strike 8 am. by then, i would be able to call my contact in LA who requested for a return call at 5 pm, their time. hopefully, she would be able to give me more information about the case studies i requested.

and then i could go home and sleep.

wish time would pass more swiftly.

***

last night, i was looking for some sympathy.

me: haru, san ka?
haru: gateway, ket?
me: sino kasama mo?
haru: jarli, ket?
me: wala lang, kala ko office ka pa. papasok pa lang ako, magtatawag for pinoy abroad. hay, nightshift...
haru: hehe...oh well, mayaman ka naman, keri lang yan.

the sacrifices i have to do to earn bigger bucks. less time at home, more time at the office. less sleep, more stress. less gimiks, more rakets.

still, i have to admit, seeing the extra bucks on my ATM gives me a certain sense of relief that i won't ever be short on money again. plus, i could afford to give more money to my parents without feeling deprived. i could assure myself that i could give them something when the need arises. and i actually have savings now.

is this healthy? maybe not. but these days, you need to be practical. so the rule of thumb is, just don't get sick.

***

The Wedding Date movie is cute.

Debra Messing is funny.

Dermot Mulroney is hot.

I know it almost seems weird for a respectable girl to hire an "escort." but in the tradition of pretty woman, even the most unlikely couples fall in love and end up together.

besides the countryside setting in London was so romantic, i wished mahal and i could just whisk ourselves there in a flash.

well, i just love mushy-feel-good-happy-ending movies.

***

i walked away with nick mercer's line: "every woman has the love life she deserves." and i think he's right.

i think we always have a choice if we'll be happy or not, whether in terms of love life or life in general.

i don't discount the fact that bad things happen. in fact, bad things may happen a lot of times. but we can choose how we react to it.

it's like a choice between holding a knife by the blade or by the handle. either you hold it by the blade and cut yourself real deep or you hold it by the handle and throw it at the heartbreaker's back use it to carve out your path.

i learned this the hard way and hurt myself a lot. i used to punish myself and put up with heartbreakers. i pitied myself and thought i wasn't good enough, pretty enough or sexy enough for them. i persisted thinking that one day i'll be good enough for them to love me back. it was pathetic.

until i decided, I was too good for them. i don't deserve to be put down or made to feel low.

I am beautiful.

I deserve to be loved by a man who will accept me for all that i am and will make me the only woman in his heart.

now, i am with a man who does exactly just that. he has accepted all of me and he loves me as much as i love him

I got exactly what i deserve.

***

stop feeling that you're not good enough for anyone else. you're a beautiful and wonderful woman who deserves to be treated with respect and love.

no more what if's. don't hold on to the past and sweet nothings. don't think that someday, he'll fall in love with you too.

lift your head up. look at yourself in the mirror and see how beautiful you are.

he is not worth it. and you are worth more than you think.

give yourself a chance to be happy, you owe yourself that much. stop wishing and wondering when true love will come. for all you know, it has been around all along, waiting for you to let it come in.

Comments

Anonymous said…
well, you're right about that... I always thought I was too tall that's why boys my age didn't like me but when I had a relationship with one, we never fit. - rach
angel jayme said…
ganun talaga, wala sa height, sa skin color o sa itsura. kapag tumibok ang puso, yun na yun.
naks!
mai said…
hey! about "less time at home and more working time/stress"..same thoughts here! waaah! korek ka sa rule of thumb mo..wag lang magkasakit! payday na naman bukas! hehe!

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